Boss to Coach Conversation 2 of 5
Tools for Giving and Receiving Feedback

PREPARE FOR YOUR SESSION
My aim is for conversations and simple tools that create clarity in our work.  This quick course is designed as pre work inputs for either an individual coaching conversation or workshop.

What it covers

Objectives
One of the most challenging conversations you can have is giving and receiving feedback well, and that can be heard by both people. How do we give recognition and feedback that works?

By the end of this quick course you will

  1. Have increased awareness of our own filters when interacting with others

  2. Understand how you like to receive appreciation for your work

  3. Introduce a structure to have challenging feedback conversations

  4. Have a framework to practice giving and receiving feedback

Duration 30-minutes

Feedback

Feedback can be hard to give (both good and bad), a bit uncomfortable, but when delivered well is highly invaluable. Effective feedback has benefits for the giver, the receiver, and the places where we work. There are a many reasons why feedback is an important communication skill

  • Is there all the time

  • Is another word for effective listening

  • Is an opportunity to motivate

  • Essential to develop performance

  • A way to keep learning

There are a number of actions we can take to improve how we give and receive feedback. These include

  • Increasing awareness of our own filters

  • Giving individualised recognition to others

  • Treating feedback as a conversation not a directive

  • Practice, practice, practice

Increase Awareness of Our Own Filters

We see the world through the lens of our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. These become expectations and we can struggle when someone behaves in a way that does not align with our own values. These can also act as blind spots.

Giving feedback is a vulnerable conversation. Being aware of our filters can be helpful before working with someone else to increase our credibility and understanding.

Good questions to ask are and reflect on are

  • Self Awareness What effect does this have?

  • Self Expression What message do you want to communicate? Do you need to help people to understand you? Do you need to ask for help?

  • Self-Regulation Which strengths could you leverage to help you manage this?

  • Partnership Who might you seek out to help you?

  • Support Systems Are there any tools or resources that might support you with this?

Understanding Your Strengths

“A well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment.”

One tool that can aid understanding is knowing your strength theme’s balconies and basements. Strengths are simply dominant characteristics. Therefore you can use them effectively (a balcony) so they become your competitive advantage, or you can mismanage them so they become disadvantages (a basement).

  1. Print the following guide and for your Top 5 strengths

  2. Highlight any statements that resonate with you, cross out what doesn’t matter and circle any meaningful words.

Have you not completed a strengths profile yet? Find out how to discover your strengths.

Review The Strengths Balcony and Basement Guide

Did you find any of the descriptions accurate? Use this knowledge to become more aware of when you are mismanaging your talents and shift your behaviour whenever you notice it.

Give Recognition to Others

“Strengths develop best in relationship.”

To maintain a strong working relationship the ideal ratio of positive to constructive feedback is 5:1. It is not about the size of celebration we bring to our work, but the psyche.

Watch A video by Simon Sinek on the power of catching people doing things right.

We tend to give recognition in the way we hope to receive it. However, the best recognition is one that is tailored to each individual. Gary Chapman discussed this in his books The 5 Love Languages and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. The styles of recognition he identified are

  1. Words of Affirmation using words to communicate a positive message to another person

  2. Quality Time giving someone your undivided attention

  3. Acts of Service providing assistance to one’s colleagues

  4. Tangible Gifts giving a gift to someone who appreciates and values that specific gift

  5. Appropriate Physical Touch affirming someone through a physical gesture (pat on the back, high five, fist bump, handshake)

Optional Watch For more about each these languages see the short video below.

What is most important is to appreciate people in the way that they want to be appreciated.  Not in the way that you might want or in the way that is most comfortable for you.  

  1. To discover your preferred language of appreciation download and complete the questionnaire

  2. If you have time, the reflection questions. We will debrief this profile in the workshop or 1-1 coach.

When you click on link below this will automatically download an Excel zip file to your downloads folder on your computer.

Courageous Conversations. Constructive Feedback as a Conversation

We avoid difficult conversations. This can be a missed opportunity to help team members improve faster, help people find the right role fit, have more productive meetings. Feedback is not a one way monologue but a conversation to seek to understand and co-create action.

Watch A video by Simon Sinek on a structure to effectively communicate constructive feedback to someone.

Practice Giving Feedback

This exercise is about improving our own skill set in giving and receiving feedback. Some people are more comfortable than others, and that’s OK. This exercise is about your own baseline and getting more comfortable with the “uncomfortable.” Complete the steps as follows

  1. Print the feedback form clicking on the button link below

  2. Complete a form for every person in your team and get them to do the same. If you are scheduled for a workshop or 1-1 conversation, we will get a chance to do this impromptu on the day, so no prep is required. Use this chance to familiarise yourself with the questions.

  3. Take no more than 1-minute to answer each question. Go with your gut instinct

  4. If you can and know the person’s strengths, there is space to acknowledge which CliftonStrengths theme you see of theirs in action. If this proves too difficult, could you do this together in person?

  5. The idea is to run through the form with each person “speed dating” style. One person will get a turn and then reverse the conversation

  6. If you complete these sheets beforehand, be prepared to leave the sheet with the person you are giving feedback to for their future reference

  7. If you don’t get a chance to talk to everyone during the process, plan to do a follow up session at a later date

Download the Team Feedback Exercise Form

Develop your feedback skills further

Our strengths develop best in relationship. Find out how to enhance your skills in giving and receiving recognition and feedback through in person practice.

Not registered for a workshop or individual coach? Have a follow up quick chat with Jase to explore.

Further reading