A Strategy to Build Trust Like a Boss
Mo Gawdat once pointed out that most negative emotions are about the past or the future, while most positive emotions live in the present. Life coach Martha Beck takes it further—neuroscience shows that anxiety and creativity sit in different parts of the brain. Like a switch, one turns off when the other is on. Worry and control? That’s “then and there.” Faith and trust? That’s “here and now.”
Now, what does this have to do with work?
Meetings and emails have become stand-ins for trust. McKinsey research shows the average individual contributor sits through 2–3 meetings a day and spends 38% of their time on email. Remote work has only made it worse. If we can’t “see it to believe it,” we default to over-explaining instead of trusting.
The Problem: Weak Expectations, Weaker Accountability
We’re not great at setting clear expectations—especially behavioural ones (how we expect people to act, not just what we want them to do). And we’re even worse at accountability. But if we get the first part right, the second follows naturally.
And here’s the kicker: trust isn’t just about communication; it’s about recognition. People trust those who see them—not just their output, but their strengths. When someone knows you understand what they do best, they show up differently.
The Fix: Ask Smarter Questions
As playwright Eugene Ionesco put it, “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” Great questions do two things:
They build trust by pulling people into the present—away from worry, towards action.
They reveal strengths, giving people confidence in what they bring to the table.
Try these two sets of questions:
1. Set Clear Expectations
• What do you expect of me?
• What do you think I expect of you?
(Instead assuming or pushing information, draw it out.)
2. Check and Adjust Often
• What’s working?
• Where are we getting stuck?
• What could we do differently?
(Before you weigh in, get their take)
Trust isn’t built in a single moment. It’s built in the rhythm of these conversations. So—who’s someone you could build better trust with today?