Feeling chasers. What having lots of stuff does for us
I heard a story once of a financial planner who met with a husband and wife who were in a bit of a dilemma. He was earning $60,000 a year and had set himself a goal to buy a 40ft launch. She didn't want this to happen. When you look at the figures on paper there was no way the husband could afford this. When the planner probed further, what he found was that the man wanted to take his family fishing with him, and his wife was not willing to go out on a tiny boat. Once he understood this, he was able to get the couple to agree to hire a boat to go on a family fishing trip. What the wife found was she enjoyed it, and so much so she ended up agreeing to buy a boat within their means. They could've ended up risking all their finances for something they didn’t really want, but what the planner was able to do is was identify the fact that it wasn't the boat itself the husband wanted, but the feeling of enjoying going fishing with his family.
What I see is that we buy things and do things not because of the thing/event itself but the feeling it creates. I do this often wanting; the latest iPhone, new clothes, a new car, eating out at a café, buying an overpriced coffee almost every day. If you are like me and want the house, spa pool, the boat, an expensive sports car, but it seems impossible, I would ask you; “what is the feeling you are trying to create?” Examples include time to think (INTELLECTION), less discussion more action (ACTIVATOR), a dynamic environment (ARRANGER), an audience (COMMUNICATION), a challenge (COMMAND), freedom to laugh, cry and vent (EMPATHY). You know when you have hit it; because it is fun, easy and gives you joy.
Once we have language to draw upon, it is amazing how much easier it is to identify these things. In the book Your Brain at Work by David Rock, the author talks about how emotions can take control of us, but by the simple act of naming that emotion, it can reduce its impact on us. We can manage it. I wonder if this can also be used as a force for good, as knowing what we want creates momentum.
If you are struggling to define this for yourself, knowing your strengths can be a good indicator of what they are likely to be. My discovery in all of this is that I have recently realised I don't have a thing. I have friends who play sport, play the piano, have a vege garden, knit, sew, cook, bake, not because they have to, but because they want to. It gives them joy.
So my goal for the next 12 months is to find my thing. And see whether I can use my understanding of my strengths to find what it is. After all as a coach I should practice what I preach. Thoughts so far:
ACHIEVER: it has to be doing or creating something
CONNECTEDNESS: it has to have meaning; it needs to be greater than just me; and it needs to give me time out from “working”
RESPONSIBILITY: something that I can own outright for myself and I am able to develop a level of excellence
DELIBERATIVE: not risky. So it won't be mountain biking or bungee jumping
INPUT: it will be collecting something, or increasing my knowledge in some way
I’ll let you know how I get on.
So I wonder, what feeling are you trying to create?